Church sacraments, rites offer grieving parents comfort and solace

This statue of Rachel weeping for her children is located at the Infants Circle at Calvary Cemetery in Indianapolis. Many cemeteries offer special burial places for babies. The statue was inspired by the Scripture passage from Jeremiah 31:15, which reads, in part, “Rachel mourns her children, she refuses to be consoled because her children are no more.”

By Mary Ann Wyand

First of two parts

Babies aren’t supposed to die.

Parents expect to celebrate the birth and the baptism of their children with relatives, friends and members of their faith ­community.

But when the unthinkable happens—miscarriage, stillbirth or post-partum death—the sacraments of the Catholic Church offer grieving parents comfort and solace in the knowledge of God’s love and mercy.

All Saints Day on Nov. 1 and

All Souls Day on Nov. 2 are annual feast days offering consolation for Catholics who have lost loved ones.

These liturgical commemorations can be especially comforting for parents who have lost babies through miscarriage, stillbirth or post-partum death.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church, Second Edition, explains that, “As regards children who have died without Baptism, the Church can only entrust them to the mercy of God, as she does in her funeral rites for them. Indeed, the great mercy of God who desires that all men should be saved, and Jesus’ tenderness toward ­children which caused him to say: ‘Let the children come to me, do not hinder them,’ (Mk 10:14, cf. 1 Tm 2:4) allow us to hope that there is a way of salvation for children who have died without Baptism. All the more urgent is the Church’s call not to ­prevent little children coming to Christ through the gift of holy Baptism” (#1261).

The catechism also notes that, “With respect to children who have died without Baptism, the liturgy of the Church invites us to trust in God’s mercy and to pray for their salvation” (#1283).

The Catholic Church teaches that a funeral Mass and burial may be held for babies who die at 20 weeks of pregnancy.

If the baby did not live until the halfway point of the pregnancy, Catholic hospital staff members ask the parents if they wish to have a burial for their child or obtain their permission to cremate the stillborn baby’s remains before burial. The Catholic Church allows cremation.

Instead of taking their infant to church to celebrate the Rite of Baptism, parents with empty arms rely on pastoral support as they plan their baby’s funeral rites or memorial service.

In The Roman Ritual, which was “revised by Decree of the Second Vatican Ecumenical Council and published by Authority of Pope Paul VI,” the Church offers a special rite for “Funerals for Children Who Died Before Baptism,” including suitable Old Testament and New Testament readings.

A Scripture reading from the prophet Isaiah, for example, reassures grieving parents that, “The Lord God will destroy death forever. … The Lord God will wipe away the tears from all faces” (Is 25:6a, 7-8b).

Psalm 25, which may be used for the Responsorial Psalm, reminds people that God will help them in their time of sorrow. “Relieve the anguish of my heart and set me free from my distress. Preserve my life and rescue me. Do not disappoint me, you are my refuge” (Ps 25:17, 20).

St. Paul’s Second Letter to the Corinthians also offers reassurance to bereaved family members. “Blessed be the Father of mercies and the God of all ­comfort, who consoles us in all our ­afflictions” (2 Cor 1:3b-4a).

One of the most well-known New Testament passages from St. Matthew’s Gospel reminds people, “Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden light” (Mt 11:28-30).

During the introductory rites of a funeral liturgy for an unbaptized child—which may include a Mass—the sprinkling with holy water is omitted and a brief address is given by the presider.

It says, in part, “… the Lord is a faithful God who created us all after his own image. All things are of his making, all ­creation awaits the day of salvation. We now entrust the soul of [child’s name] to the abundant mercy of God, that our beloved child may find a home in his ­kingdom.”

There are several options for the ­opening prayer.

“O Lord, whose ways are beyond understanding, listen to the prayers of our faithful people; that those weighed down by grief at the loss of this [little] child may find reassurance in your ­infinite goodness.”

Another option mentions the parents’ belief in God, and serves as a reminder to them that God will comfort and support them if they turn to him in faith and prayer.

It begins, “God of all consolation, searcher of mind and heart, the faith of these parents [name and name] is known to you. Comfort them with the knowledge that the child for whom they grieve is entrusted now to your loving care.”

During the final commendation, the presider states, “Let us commend this child to the Lord’s merciful keeping; and let us pray with all our hearts for [name and name]. Even as they grieve at the loss of their [little] child, they entrust [him/her] to the loving embrace of God.”

Another prayer of commendation for an unbaptized child asks God to care for the child and provide strength for family members in their time of grief. It also reminds them of Church ­teachings on the Communion of Saints.

“Trusting in your mercy and in your all-embracing love, we pray that you give [him/her] happiness forever. Turn also to us who have suffered this loss. Strengthen the bonds of this family and our community. Confirm us in faith, in hope, and in love, so that we may bear your peace to one another and one day stand together with all the saints who praise you for your saving help.”

The Roman Ritual also notes that the Church’s “ ‘Rite of Final Commendation for an Infant’ may be used in the case of a stillborn baby or a newborn infant who dies shortly after birth. This short rite of prayer with the parents is celebrated to give them comfort, and to commend and entrust the infant to God. This rite is a model and the minister should adapt it to the circumstances. It may be used in the hospital or place of birth or at the time of the ­committal of the body” (#318).

The words of a prayer offered at this time for a child who died before baptism could also be printed on a personalized prayer card for the parents to keep as a memorial token.

“Lord God, ever caring and gentle, we commit to your love this little one [name], who brought joy to our lives for so short a time. Enfold [him/her] in eternal life. We pray for [his/her] ­parents who are saddened by the loss of their [child/baby/infant]. Give them courage and help them in their pain and grief. May they all meet one day in the joy and peace of your kingdom.”

(Next week: Disenfranchised grief.) †