Project Joseph helps men on ‘journey of healing’ from abortion

By Natalie Hoefer

At pro-life rallies, Eric Slaughter often holds a sign that reads, “Men Regret Lost Fatherhood.”

“I’ve had protesters tell me I don’t have a wound so [abortion is] none of my business,” says Slaughter.

His experience of losing a child to abortion tells him otherwise.

“You’ve lost this child, and you’re suffering the loss, feeling regret and pain from failing to be a man and protect your family,” he says. “And society says you’re supposed to hold it in and not talk about it.”

Consequently, says Slaughter, “You have men walking around with this pain that affects their lives and relationships. It’s important to have a venue for men to acknowledge these feelings so they can heal themselves and their relationships.”

This conviction led him and David Bangs—who also regrets his role in his child’s abortion—to bring Project Joseph post-abortion healing retreats for men to Indiana. The retreats will alternate between the Archdiocese of Indianapolis in the fall and the Lafayette Diocese in the spring. The next retreat is scheduled for April 22-23 in Lafayette.

“It’s a way of bringing men out of themselves and start the healing process,” says Slaughter, “and a way for men to know they’re not alone.”

Child’s abortion ‘had a dramatic effect on my life’

Both Slaughter, a member of Our Lady of the Most Holy Rosary Parish in Indianapolis, and Bangs, a member of St. Patrick Parish in Kokomo, Ind., in the Lafayette Diocese, have participated in and now help facilitate Rachel’s Vineyard post-abortion healing retreats. While open to all, the majority of attendees are women, says Slaughter.

He notes the men who do attend are “less likely to speak, not only because they expect, as I did, that all women are going to hate [them], but men are taught to hold our feelings in and not share.”

“I was pretty successful in trying to forget” about the abortion of his child, says Bangs, who was 19 at the time of his loss. “But it had a dramatic effect on my life. I was very angry, I had relationship problems, I suffered from depression. It took me 25 years to realize what was causing all that.”

Slaughter says he suffered because “of my failure to live up to the responsibility of protecting my child and the child’s mother.”

Both men’s experiences reflect two studies cited by the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops (cutt.ly/USCCBAbortion).

One study notes that “men tend to exert greater control over the expression of painful emotions, intellectualize grief, and cope alone; are also inclined to identify their primary role as a supporter for their partners, even after an abortion, and even if they opposed the decision; were more likely to experience feelings of despair long after the abortion than women; and are more at risk for experiencing chronic grief.”

The second study reports that 40% of the men surveyed “experienced chronic post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms, occurring on average 15 years after the abortion.” The men also reported experiencing grief and sadness, guilt, anger, isolation, anxiety, sexual issues and helplessness.

Recognizing the need for a post-abortion retreat geared toward men, Bangs says he and Slaughter “looked at modifying a couple other programs to adapt them.”

Then Brie Anne Varick, director of the archdiocesan Office of Human Life and Dignity, told Slaughter about Project Joseph—a retreat similar to Rachel’s Vineyard but intended for men. He attended a retreat in Texas and knew it was the solution he and Bangs were looking for.

‘Centered around forgiveness’

The retreat uses Scripture readings, “especially about men in the Bible like St. Joseph, King David, figures that help us to reinforce and understand our purpose and responsibility as men,” says Slaughter.

Bangs both attended and helped facilitate a Project Joseph retreat in Lafayette last year.

“It’s very healing,” he says. Compared to Rachel’s Vineyard “it suits men a little better” and, at 30 hours, “is a little shorter.

“Also some of the more emotional . . . parts of the Rachel’s Vineyard retreat are not part of [Project Joseph].”

Each retreat includes a licensed therapist and a deacon familiar with post-abortion ministry, and a priest offers Mass and the opportunity for confession.

“The retreat is centered around forgiveness,” Bangs explains. “A lot of times, we will see the sin of abortion as an unforgivable sin. The Project Joseph retreat brings [men] to understand that God can forgive anything and helps them believe they can be forgiven and learn to forgive themselves.”

Men also have an opportunity to unlock their silence and tell the story of their own experience with losing a child to abortion and the impact it had on their life.

“Each man’s story told at the retreat is important not only for themselves, but for the healing of the others present,” says Slaughter, who shared his story in a 2021 book he co-authored called The Aftermath: Stories of God’s Grace and Freedom After Abortion.

“A man who has lost a child to abortion feels alone, because of the feelings he may not be able to express or share with anyone. Hearing the stories of other men helps each to understand that they are not alone, and together at this retreat they begin their journey of healing.”
 

(For more information on Project Joseph post-abortion healing retreats for men or to sign up for the one scheduled in Lafayette on April 22-23, contact David Bangs at 765-860-6006 or dlbangs1@gmail.com, or search for Project Joseph Indiana on Facebook.) †